The Wedding. Part 1.

Now that we have decided to legally bind ourselves to one another, what happens next? Who do we tell? Should we keep this private or shout it roof the rooftops? I decided to google it in the midst of a Pandemic.

“What does marriage look like? Are things supposed to be different? Are they going to be different because we are two women? Where are all the happy married gay people we see on the internet?”

The Pandemic otherwise known as Covid 19

We got married a week before the world shut down for The Covid 19. We had no idea what was in store for us or the bullet that we had just dodged. Our original wedding was planned for June 18, 2020, before we pushed it back to July 30, 2020. We were flying to San Francisco to meet with our wedding planner originally late march, but she insisted that we come the first week as it worked better with her schedule. Thank God for this!!! We flew into San Francisco and applied for our marriage license as scheduled, only to be told that our actual ceremony was beyond the allotted 90 days. Without hesitation we decided that we should get married right now! March 5, 2020 was the day that changed me forever, more or less. (what does that even mean, who knows, but it felt right) It was beautiful. It was perfect, personal and just us. Our officiant could not have been a more perfect individual and we were even lucky enough to have a photographer capture the entire thing. We were born winners, what can I say?!

The weekend went on as planned and besides and few jokes here and there about keeping this a secret and referencing each other as “my wife’, as we were still planning our official wedding with the masses, nothing was different. I was baffled. I had been planning this moment in my head my ENTIRE life and nothing was different??!!! We had lunch, we took engagement photos, we ate soup dumplings and enjoyed the weekend as we would any normal business/vacation. I wanted more and I needed answers. I asked my new wife repeatedly, what do we do now? I was given short and sweet answers that only paused my marathon of thoughts if only for a brief moment. Now back to google I go to find out how to be a wife! Still I found no relief because everyone navigates this new role differently. Our situation is different, because we weren’t able to do things the way we planned. We wanted our friends and family to celebrate with us. There was no cake, but we did get tipsy before our cake tasting. (Thank you Pretty Please bakery, we love you) We wanted to have parties that would get us ready for the big day that would set the stage for our new combined life that not only joined us together but our past and everyone that comes along with that. Nope, that didn’t happen. Instead we were hit with a pandemic that kept us along with everyone we know in isolation. Mask covered faces and virtual birthday parties, births and graduations. This went on for months. No true outside contact with the people we love or random strangers. Yes, sometimes there is a need to love stranger from time to time.

We cancelled the formal wedding ceremony. We were ordering flowers, having long distance conference calls with our wedding planner. Pushing back dates, discussing the fact that N95 mask we would in our wedding photos. “No one will come “she says to me. With myself living in Atlanta and my wife living in Orange County and our wedding being in San Francisco there was some debate about our guest traveling. At this point the cost was going up and our guest list was going down. My mental strength to handle this was getting weaker and weaker and I had zero access to any of the things that keep me sane and grounded. My balance was shot. Emails and calls were coming in. People wanted to know what our plans were. Everyone was asking, but also giving unsolicited advice, as if my own anguish wasn’t enough, I have to bear the burden of your pandemic woes and mourn the loss of our wedding ceremony simultaneously. I did, because it’s what I do selflessly. The world is slowly starting to open up and it took weeks after making the decision to cancel the wedding party to notify everyone. It was painful and it still stings a bit. The balance in all of this is that I didn’t want the big wedding until we started to plan it. Our wedding was at the location I had always pictured, and I couldn’t have prayed, manifested or asked for a better partner in life. I always find it funny how the universe will always find a way to teach you something if you are just willing to listen

Now we are married and have moved to Orange County. This pandemic that is still going on 4 months later and still no one can travel. I am not exactly sure what I am doing with this wedding and wife thing I signed up for and if I am navigating it correctly. I find peace in the fact she says I am great, so that has to count for something.